Only Human

There is a country saying “There is something about that old boy I don’t like about myself”. It always makes me smile because watching someone be outraged at a total stranger’s behaviour can at times say more about the person than they actually want to give away. We have had decades of hearing things about celebrities and sporting figures that tarnish their shine. granted it is always a surprise to hear something that feels out of character for someone you thought you knew but, and here is the important bit, you don’t know them.

You have seen interviews with them, you have watched them kick a ball, you love a song that they sing that they may or may not have written themselves and you feel like they are someone you admire. You admire an image of this tiny part of their life, crafted for public view. Don’t you do that? Do you behave the same way at work with a client that you are when you get home and kick off your shoes and realise your teenager has destroyed what was your perfect kitchen using every pan you own to make pancakes and not cleaning their room for the 17th day in a row. You are still the same person; you are just in a different mood and situation.

Maybe we need to take some responsibility here. In most cases, they didn’t ask for this. Just because they happen to be really good at playing guitar or can score a goal better than anyone on the planet doesn’t mean they are asking to be anyone’s role model. They don’t give up the right to be human, to have a bad day, to make a mistake. I feel like we cancel public figures for things that we know and forgive of our friends. To be clear, I’m not talking about illegal things, I’m talking about private things that would be considered a character flaw if it hadn’t been made public on TMZ or in every gossip magazine in the world.

Dave Grohl is a perfect example. The Foo Fighters frontman recently put out this statement. Dave’s newly-released statement read: “I’ve recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage. I plan to be a loving and supportive parent to her. I love my wife and my children, and I am doing everything I can to regain their trust and earn their forgiveness. We’re grateful for your consideration toward all the children involved, as we move forward together.”

Every second post I saw was someone looking into the camera and talking about him being the worst human being on earth, saying things like once a cheater always a cheater and asking why we are making excuses for bad male behaviour. I’m not even sure where to start. Firstly, you are using a stranger’s marital trouble to get likes online which I find opportunistic and a bit gross. I grant you that some people men and women pathologically cheat and in my own personal life I feel like you should either try and fix the relationship or you should get out. I have broken up with people after being cheated on because I knew I would never get past it and would bring it up in every argument we ever had but once a cheater always a cheater, just implies that you don’t believe humans are capable of growth.

According to Sexual Health Australia, around 60% of men and 45% of women report being unfaithful inside their marriage. Unless you are planning on canceling half your married friends then there is someone in your life that has had an affair. They may have decided it’s was a mistake; it may have blown up their life but either way, your ranting about Dave Grohl online just ensures you will never hear that story from them because based on your outrage, you find it unforgivable.

We tell our kids, to be honest, to step up and take responsibility. Moving forward, what would you have him do? Being a father to the baby is what a good guy would do. We don’t get to be more virtuous online than we are in real life. At least let’s try and be consistent.