My wish for you

As I write this, I waiting for a friend I have known for over twenty years to have a baby. My own child and the inspiration for this column is asleep next to me. My friends’ older children are asleep in the spare room. I am still one of those people who are amazed, even though I have been through the process, that this bump you have been carrying around for months is just about to become a fully-fledged tiny human with all their own hopes and dream. Their own fears. Their own happiness and heartbreak. Their own life to lead.  

No matter how much you plan, it never seems to be enough. You have a million things going through your head that you wish you have done better in the lead-up to bubs arrival. You wish you had made different choices. You wish your house was more organised, You wish you were closer to or further away from your own family depending on your relationship with them. You wonder if the left-over nuts and bolts that came with your cot are really important?  

I am an anxious little thing at the best of times but giving birth really kicked that into high gear. I found myself googling all the things that can go wrong during childbirth. None of which is calming for someone as highly strung as I am. I remember saying to my mum that I had changed my mind and I didn’t actually think I could go through the birthing process, as I was in active labour. She smiled at me, the way she had since I was a kid. Just to let me know that she was going to be right by my side but this was something my body had to go through. Having me alone in the mid-1970’s changed the whole course of her life and now it was my turn.  

None of your fears matter at all as they hand you this new tiny human. This little person, who will call you mum for the rest of your time together. For me, this moment was pure joy. Given my general chemical makeup, I was on the lookout for signs of post-partum depression in the following weeks. Thankfully I was spared that particular issue. I can only imagine is heart breaking and confusing at a time that should be filled with excitement.  

I wonder sometimes if having a baby at a young age allows you to focus only on the joy. I made a choice to have my little one later than most. By then you have lived a life. You have cried with friends who have lost their children before they made it into the world. You have seen the longing of friends who for one reason or another can’t have children of their own even though it’s all they have ever wished for. You have spoken to friends who don’t want children and are sick of the pressure from family and strangers to have them. You have seen friends outlive their own babies who they bought into the world with all the same hopes and dreams that you have.  

There is something about human nature that allows you to see past all those fears and focus on this perfect person that you made from scratch. You close your eyes for the first time since they were born and you make a silent wish. A wish for you, for them. That the world, as screwed up as it seems, is kind to them.  

Good luck my friend for the journey to come. I love you and the kid and I will always be part of your village.